Over my cheap jewelry phase....

For many months, or more to the point...for several years, I have been purchasing jewelry on the cheap. Colors I thought I would need, a pair of earrings for a certain outfit. This seemed to be the way to go especially since I don't have large budget for (expensive) jewelry. Who really does unless your married to a millionaire and then that brings other problems?...but I digress. As I said....I've been purging (decluttering, getting rid of, scaling down) whatever you want to call it, lately. If I get something new, something leaves. If it doesn't bring me joy to wear it, touch it or look at it, it's gone. Deciding on clothes is the hardest...but I'm digressing again. Jewelry....cheap jewelry (stay on point please). I'm over the cheap jewelry acquiring....I think. I need things that I love and will last. All the rings I've purchased recently are turning copper/red color when the finish comes off of the ring. With wear it begins to show. That brings up another issue in my life. Getting rid of friends. Most of them don't bring me any joy either. Do I bring them joy? I don't know. I don't much care at this point. I am so over the need to have friends that is a relief in and of itself. I cannot gush about friends...because I see too much. I can overlook bad behavior...I've had six kids. The idea of  not having friends is a major choice for me, and it's not done because I don't think people like me (suffered from that long enough) or that I can't have friends...because most of my life I've yearned for friends. Now that it's a possibility...now that I might have time for them...(and I did have a group of them in an art group for several years that ended in a disastrous outcome for me) I simply do not need the drain on my energies. To see the few friends that I have every few months is more than enough for me. But I am digressing again....jewelry. How much cheap jewelry does one need? (How many cheap friends does one need?  Good question....) I don't know. I'm obsessive when it comes to whatever my present obsession is. Is that redundant? . . . . So what. I can be redundant here...it's my place to talk to myself. Jewelry....over the cheapness. over the need......over the spending of money on buy one get one free...divesting myself of the cheap beads and findings and crap that I have hung on to in my studio thinking that some day I will make this or that. Someday will never come. Someday is like OZ.....not really there. I will be looking at this stuff 1, 5, 10 years from now thinking the same thing. If I don't want to wear the cheap jewelry anymore than why the hell am I keeping the cheap beads and acquired BOGO things from Charming Charlie? Don't get me wrong, I love Charming Charlie (I was just in the store Wednesday night).....but I don't need them anymore. They are fun and colorful.....but I need to scale down and that means in every area of my life. Our lives have no meaning because nothing we do or have or say has any meaning. So from jewelry to life......we need to have quality. Not necessarily quantity but quality. Hard to make that choice and sometimes harder to make the distinction between the two. So the distinction here between the cheap and lasting (jewelry...or insert anything...friends, lovers, furniture, clothing, house, car, books, knick knacks, journals, photos, shoes, coats, purses, ok ok ok I get my own point.......) is something we should strive to see, not just SEE but feel .. we should cultivate the ability to be aware of what is true and what is not. So as not to get too spiritual and sound all sappy.....if things do not emanate from a true source....if things in my life are not there because they are supposed to be there..then they will not bring me joy of any kind. Wanting what is not supposed to be wanted will bring frustration, fear  and anger.

What comes to mind now is the song "Simple Gifts" by Joseph Brackett (1797–1882)
So what was true in the 1800 is  still true for today....

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free
Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight. (JOY!)

When true simplicity is gain'd,
To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
'Til but turning, turning we come 'round right.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYi9Vr8bHJY  Listen to this beautiful arrangement of "Simple Gifts".
 

Til by turning, turning we come 'round right.

 

Here's to our turning and the hope that we come round to the right place in our lives with the right friends and the right relationships. To finding joy in what we have and where we are....to be genuine...to be comfortable in our own skins.

 

Wishing you joy...........

 

 

 

 

 

Decluttering and Quarantine

It's Tuesday morning...

I have to work at 2:00. My thoughts are continually on the act/art/effort of decluttering my house. I seem to shift things from one room to another or from one bag to another. The front desk area of my house is full of bags of donate-able items and cast offs from my kitchen purge of last weekend. Clothes are hung on the back of chairs to be given to daughter's and/or given away. There are three or four (I've lost count) of the number of bags of clothes that are in quarantine in my studio. (Quarantine: putting things in bags or boxes and setting them aside for 3 months. If you don't need them in three months you probably aren't going to need them.) I am continually going through my closet and trying to only keep those things that "bring me joy". This last mantra "Keep only what brings you joy" was gleaned from the book by Maria Kondo. "the life-changing magic of tidying up - the Japanese art of decluttering and organizing" She states in her book that one must not try and organize until one has completely decluttered their "space". I am not sure if I will ever get around to organizing then. What is this attachment that we have to our things? We are not our things. We cannot take our things with us. Do our things actually define us? Do they become part of us in a way that we cannot understand? I don't know. I don't think so but then what does one really understand about themselves anymore?  I don't get it. But I'm trying very hard to overcome the need to have so much. It's hard working where I work as far as clothes go....always something new coming in...always something new that I want. That's the hard part to fight against. I can always convince myself, and easily I might add, that I need this or that. The hard part is to say and believe and act on the fact that I don't need it.

When my mother was 70, she said to me, "I don't know what I want to do with my life." I thought at the time, "Well, if you don't know now Mother, you may never know." She never did. She lived the rest of her life making her daughter's upset and angry with her which alienated three of them, annoying the people that she lived with, getting herself kicked out of one living place and ending up in a psychological hospital for the umpteenth time in her life. She lost all of her good jewelry somewhere (she claims it was stolen) and died alone, pretty much at her own hand. Not directly but she died because she wouldn't do what she was told to do. A real lesson for me. I said all that to say, "I don't know what I should do with my life either." I'm only 61 so I guess I have a few years....

later...........

Facebook Games and Life

So I admit it. I play Facebook games. A lot of them....probably way too many. I find them extremely more engaging than 95% of the people on Facebook. There is more interaction with the game than there is with most people. With the game there is a response to your response. There is that with people...but mostly they are just narcissistic fools that are in love with themselves  and what's going on in their own life. It 's not that I don't have anything going on...it's that once in a while, I would appreciate someone asking something about myself. NOT ALL THE TIME...just once in a while. Act like you're interested. Act like I am not a boring slug. I'm not, mind you.....but one begins to feel that way about themselves when they read all the blogs and postings out there by everyone. I don't care what you have for dinner, therefore I'm not posting what I have for dinner. If you feel bad....keep it to yourself. Don't post it. It looks like your begging for sympathy and that's not attractive. I know people care. Sorta. I know people SAY they care. That's more like it.

Friendship: it's not all it's cracked up to be. It's work most of the time....it always seems to be one-sided for me. I'm not interesting enough. NOT WHINING HERE....just stating the fact of how it is. People have told me....that I appear as though I have no problems therefore I must not have much to complain about or talk about. It is true..I am happily married. To a man that adores me (go figure) and most of the time likes hearing what I have to say. He respects my need for solitude, most of the time. He loves me inspite of myself and because of myself. The best part of me is him. This I know without a doubt. He is the greatest treasure I have. My children and family are the other ones. My children are all very well adjusted and talented. They aren't on drugs or alcoholics or have criminal records...(unless you count the time my son was taken into custody over a warrant for speeding). They suffer from their own self-doubt, which is normal, and is their cross to bear and learn from. They each need to find their way to the Lord themselves and the cross/es  they bear is/are their entry into the kingdom. Choices made. Choices not made. We live by those.  You start letting go of your children the minute they are born, if you don't...they will pull away before you are ready for it and then it is you that suffers.

Today is a random thought kinda day. At least I'm getting something down on paper. To those of you that may find your way to this blog and take issue with me.....just remember, you have not walked in my shoes nor are you in my situation. You don't want to live in my head.....so....take that into consideration.

Listening to one of my favorite songs at the moment...."Happy" by Pharrell Williams. I don't really believe in the notion of happiness. It is such a fleeting feeling. Can't be maintained for any extended period of time, but contentment, well, that's something that I am striving for on a daily basis. Contentment, acceptance, genuine-ness and joy. True joy. Being truly genuine....and comfortable in my own skin. My 61 year old skin that is flaky and red. Accepting oneself is not always an easy thing to do, because we always know ourselves better than anyone else. We know what goes on inside our brains/minds and to speak something other than what is the truth is hard. Best not to say anything at all in my book. But that doesn't seem to be possible for me either. Being accused of being insensitive when you inadvertently spoke the truth and it wasn't accepted. I think the Lord himself had that experience (except He didn't speak things inadvertently...he was deliberate) and what I said had nothing to do with eternity or weighty matters. It was a simple statement of fact that someone else took too personal. GET OVER YOURSELVES PEOPLE!!!!! 

Have to go to the grocery store today......exciting news. I don't want to go. Going to see if my husband will go with me if I agree to take him to dinner first.....think it might work.

More later...........