In January of this year I took 9 days off from work. Vacation time, paid leave. We/I didn't have plans. We had no place we wanted to go and nothing special we could think of to do. I just started cleaning the house. I read, "The Year of Less" by Cait Flaunders prior to my vacation and something from her book sparked me to do some decluttering and minimalizing. So I began with my clothes. And just so you know, I work in retail at a woman's clothing store. So I'm immersed in clothing day in and day out. Anyway....I began. There are so many schools of thought when it comes to decluttering and "getting rid of" things. "If you haven't worn it in three months, if you haven't worn it in six months, if you haven't worn it in a year, tie a ribbon around your hangers and remove the ribbon if you wear the item and in three/six/twelve months you remove those things that still have the ribbon on them, does it spark joy? you only need one of anything, stay in a color palette." Which way is best for me and what way do I choose?

I just started by trying everything on. I took a very hard look at each piece of clothing and took into consideration color, style, shape, fabric content and fit. Then I would go into my husband's office (he offices out of the home) and I asked him his honest opinion. "It's nice. It's ok. Meh." I told him the only answers I would accept were, "No." and "Yes." They say (whoever they are) that you will be able to tell if you love something in the first 10 seconds of putting it on. I think I would agree with that. But back to my husband....it is very important to me for my husband to like what I wear and enjoy looking at it. After all, he looks at what I wear more than I do. Other than the fact that I took a very hard look at everything I had in my closet, my husbands opinion was the only  contributing opinion that I leaned on. I started out with two full closets of clothes, shoes and boots, one hall way closet with 1/2 of the space holding my jackets and coats. And a commercial sized rolling rack in my studio full of clothing as well. I lost track of the amount of clothing that I ultimately got rid of.  I have a resale shop just down the street from me and they accept everything that I take in, and I only take my best stuff to them, They put out for resale what they can and the remainder is donated to a shop that helps women in need. I have a 4-Runner and I filled the 4-Runner's back compartment twice, full to the brim with clothes for resale. Plus bags that were in the back seat. There were multiple trips to the charity store. They are just down the street for me as well. I tried to remember to be thankful for the lessons that these items had taught me. Let someone else have them and use them.  I was done with them. I had learned whatever it was I was to have learned from purchasing/owning them, (mostly what NOT to purchase) and I was ready for the next step.

Next step was the house in general. Books, kitchen things, knick knacks, jewelry, scarves, journals (unused..I love journals) papers, old notebooks, kids school stuff (all of them are grown and out of the house) toys from their childhood that I saved for the grandchildren...(grandchildren come with more toys than they need). Drawers full of pens that didn't work, old stationary that had yellowed on the edges due to lack of use. CD's, DVD's that were not listened to or watched. Old candles that had melted out of shape, dishes I didn't use, bowls (I collect bowls) I didn't use, cook books I wouldn't use, socks that were old and had lost the elasticity, hose that were the same way, swimming suits that weren't flattering, shorts that were NEVER going to be worn again. The list of things just never ends.

During this time I went back through my expenditures for the last year and a half and figured up how much of what I had spent was on clothing. .  .  . . . . .  I was gobsmacked but the amount of money that I had spent and was now sending to resale, giving away and throwing away. What a monumental financial waste. So few of the things I was getting rid of fell under the category of things I loved and wanted to wear. I had no clue what my style was because what I bought was all over the place. Since the first of the year I have systematically cleaned out my closets again and again. Just this past week I took over 100 items to resale and the back of my Volkswagen GTI is full with items to donate to the charity shop as I type. 

This week I watched a video on You-Tube that was talking about a 30 day challenge. On the first day you get rid of one thing, 2 things on the second day, and so on until you reach the 30th day. If you stick with it for the entire 30 days you will end up getting rid of 463 items. That's a major move towards decluttering and minimalizing your home/house/studio/life.  I have 120 items in the back of my car as I type. I'm well on my way to completely that challenge.

Currently I am going through my shoes and finally getting rid of those shoes/boots/sandals that are not comfortable. Working in retail you are on your feet constantly and your feet have to be comfortable. I have already identified three pairs of shoes that are going to new homes and I'm working on the rest. I'll update here in the near future concerning the shoes. I also have another bag of resale items to take to the Resale Shop. I cleared my purses a couple of weeks back and ended up keeping maybe 5 purses....and I'm thinking now that two of the five I've kept will not get used. Quite frankly, I am embarrassed at the excess that I have.

Getting rid of all this stuff has also made me confront some of my inner issues. One being my judgmental attitude and anger. You wouldn't think that cleaning up your life outwardly would cause you to focus more on what the core issues are but that's exactly what it has done. Each and every book I've read on the subject says that's what will happen. So now I'm decluttering on the inside. Resentments and hatreds and judgments are being looked at and scrutinized. I have asked the Lord to really and truly make lasting changes in my life in these areas and I'm trusting Him to help me.

I would love to get down to just what I need....what I use and what has a meaningful purpose in my life. I think that is attainable. But I need to keep working. I'll post more here as I feel led and let anyone that might happen upon this blog know that there is a person out here that would love to visit with them about their own journey into simplying their life. If you have a desire to do that and don't know where to start, read Elaine St. James, "Simply Your Life." It's an excellent jumping off point.

If you had one hour to take from your house what you needed what would you take?  I never really thought of this too in depth but I'm giving it serious thought. I'm giving thought to the challenge that is set forth in "Mini-Missions for Simplicity" The book suggests that you create a kit for yourself. One dish, one cup, one bowl, one pen, one this one that......Challenge yourself to see if you can live with just one of something. You can only use one glass at a time and you can then wash it. Same with a dish or a fork or a knife or a purse or a pair of shoes. It sounds crazy but why not try?

Happy Simplying.

Cindy

Seriously........I started well.

Back in January of this year I intended to post every day about every day events. I seem to never follow through with these intentions, even though my brother-in-law thinks I have enough stuff to publish a book. That's debatable. Truly debatable. I tend to crack my sister up.....and she finds me rather amusing. Being able to write things down and have them make sense...well...that's just not one of my talents. This particular blog is for myself. To put things down...to remember how I felt and what I thought. 'Cause sometimes I can't remember exactly where I was on any given day or what was said. I good at that. It is a struggle.

What can one say about the daily struggle that life brings? Even when you find yourself relatively happy and content, there still seems to be the inner struggle against......well.....who really knows why the struggle exists, it just does. It loams large when I am around people. I can't seem to fit anywhere....for any length of time or stick with any job, or friendship that gets too hard. I find too much fault in the world. Too much to have to overlook. Too much to put up with. It's easier not to. Do I suffer because I have very few relationships to speak of (save my husband, children and sister)? You might argue that it's not normal. I might argue that I stay relatively normal because I don't have these relationships to bog me down......steal my energy and turn me negatively in the wrong direction.

I've been contemplating this very things lately. My husband is estranged from almost all of his family because of their cowardice, their stupidity and their idiocy. My sisters were estranged from mother when she died because of her mental illness and her inability to see her own mistakes and rectify them in a proper manner. How long do you strive with someone until you realize that they are never going to get "it"? They are never going to change. People do change....they get worse. Sorry. But it's true. Being estranged is both a blessing and a curse, depending on which of those you choose to embrace. Sadness....because what relationships you thought were there were never REALLY there in the first place. Thinking back to how things always were, you realize, things were never as you thought they were. How one deals with ones own delusions...well....I'm still dealing.

Being fit for human consumption.......relationships.....I'm really not equipped. I see too much, sense too much and can't seem to over look enough. I find much happiness in the solitude I do find. In my studio....by myself.....with inanimate objects.

Random thoughts that creep through my mind............

1. I am a Christian (although I don't like using that word anymore). The connotations are bad. The witness of most of the Christian church...is less than stellar. I prefer to be called a believer in Jesus Christ. Raised a Southern Baptist, it took me years to come out of that cult. YEARS!!!  One of their main beliefs is the Rapture of "the church" before any suffering. Does anyone else see that as pie-in-the-sky (no pun intended here) belief? It is....ya know. Have not attended church, on a regular basis, for over 30 years. That's coming from someone that was at church almost every time the doors were open when I was a child growing up in Colorado. Now.......the thought of going to church on a regular basis gives me nearly a panic attack. I said nearly.......      The religious dialogue on Facebook has truly begun to annoy me. If you slap yourself all over Facebook as being this spiritually savvy person....why don't you just shut up and go away. Go do something meaningful. And no...I will not share your photo...because the Lord loves me whether I do that or not. "Share this if Jesus loves you." ....................really?.............................go away...........now.

2. Why am I drawn to Facebook in the first place? I've pretty much stopped following most people because of the incessant selfie-life style. Here I am at church, here I am getting fried chicken after church....here I am on vacation.....here I am when I get up....(lovely) here's what I had for breakfast....and what I made for winter and I changed my profile picture for the umpteenth time. Is everyone attention starved? yep.....yep....they sure are. And I don't understand the dynamic of: one person can post all the time and it doesn't bother me....and yet.....another can post all them time and want to shoot them? (figuratively speaking of course) Guns are another issue for another day. I will say this about guns......they are just like religion when it comes to discussions. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!!  Especially with those people that can say whatever the hell they want to but you can't. Yeah...the world is full of those types. Another reason to avoid them. Another reason to walk away fast.

Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?  

 

 

 

Over my cheap jewelry phase....

For many months, or more to the point...for several years, I have been purchasing jewelry on the cheap. Colors I thought I would need, a pair of earrings for a certain outfit. This seemed to be the way to go especially since I don't have large budget for (expensive) jewelry. Who really does unless your married to a millionaire and then that brings other problems?...but I digress. As I said....I've been purging (decluttering, getting rid of, scaling down) whatever you want to call it, lately. If I get something new, something leaves. If it doesn't bring me joy to wear it, touch it or look at it, it's gone. Deciding on clothes is the hardest...but I'm digressing again. Jewelry....cheap jewelry (stay on point please). I'm over the cheap jewelry acquiring....I think. I need things that I love and will last. All the rings I've purchased recently are turning copper/red color when the finish comes off of the ring. With wear it begins to show. That brings up another issue in my life. Getting rid of friends. Most of them don't bring me any joy either. Do I bring them joy? I don't know. I don't much care at this point. I am so over the need to have friends that is a relief in and of itself. I cannot gush about friends...because I see too much. I can overlook bad behavior...I've had six kids. The idea of  not having friends is a major choice for me, and it's not done because I don't think people like me (suffered from that long enough) or that I can't have friends...because most of my life I've yearned for friends. Now that it's a possibility...now that I might have time for them...(and I did have a group of them in an art group for several years that ended in a disastrous outcome for me) I simply do not need the drain on my energies. To see the few friends that I have every few months is more than enough for me. But I am digressing again....jewelry. How much cheap jewelry does one need? (How many cheap friends does one need?  Good question....) I don't know. I'm obsessive when it comes to whatever my present obsession is. Is that redundant? . . . . So what. I can be redundant here...it's my place to talk to myself. Jewelry....over the cheapness. over the need......over the spending of money on buy one get one free...divesting myself of the cheap beads and findings and crap that I have hung on to in my studio thinking that some day I will make this or that. Someday will never come. Someday is like OZ.....not really there. I will be looking at this stuff 1, 5, 10 years from now thinking the same thing. If I don't want to wear the cheap jewelry anymore than why the hell am I keeping the cheap beads and acquired BOGO things from Charming Charlie? Don't get me wrong, I love Charming Charlie (I was just in the store Wednesday night).....but I don't need them anymore. They are fun and colorful.....but I need to scale down and that means in every area of my life. Our lives have no meaning because nothing we do or have or say has any meaning. So from jewelry to life......we need to have quality. Not necessarily quantity but quality. Hard to make that choice and sometimes harder to make the distinction between the two. So the distinction here between the cheap and lasting (jewelry...or insert anything...friends, lovers, furniture, clothing, house, car, books, knick knacks, journals, photos, shoes, coats, purses, ok ok ok I get my own point.......) is something we should strive to see, not just SEE but feel .. we should cultivate the ability to be aware of what is true and what is not. So as not to get too spiritual and sound all sappy.....if things do not emanate from a true source....if things in my life are not there because they are supposed to be there..then they will not bring me joy of any kind. Wanting what is not supposed to be wanted will bring frustration, fear  and anger.

What comes to mind now is the song "Simple Gifts" by Joseph Brackett (1797–1882)
So what was true in the 1800 is  still true for today....

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free
Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight. (JOY!)

When true simplicity is gain'd,
To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
'Til but turning, turning we come 'round right.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYi9Vr8bHJY  Listen to this beautiful arrangement of "Simple Gifts".
 

Til by turning, turning we come 'round right.

 

Here's to our turning and the hope that we come round to the right place in our lives with the right friends and the right relationships. To finding joy in what we have and where we are....to be genuine...to be comfortable in our own skins.

 

Wishing you joy...........

 

 

 

 

 

Decluttering and Quarantine

It's Tuesday morning...

I have to work at 2:00. My thoughts are continually on the act/art/effort of decluttering my house. I seem to shift things from one room to another or from one bag to another. The front desk area of my house is full of bags of donate-able items and cast offs from my kitchen purge of last weekend. Clothes are hung on the back of chairs to be given to daughter's and/or given away. There are three or four (I've lost count) of the number of bags of clothes that are in quarantine in my studio. (Quarantine: putting things in bags or boxes and setting them aside for 3 months. If you don't need them in three months you probably aren't going to need them.) I am continually going through my closet and trying to only keep those things that "bring me joy". This last mantra "Keep only what brings you joy" was gleaned from the book by Maria Kondo. "the life-changing magic of tidying up - the Japanese art of decluttering and organizing" She states in her book that one must not try and organize until one has completely decluttered their "space". I am not sure if I will ever get around to organizing then. What is this attachment that we have to our things? We are not our things. We cannot take our things with us. Do our things actually define us? Do they become part of us in a way that we cannot understand? I don't know. I don't think so but then what does one really understand about themselves anymore?  I don't get it. But I'm trying very hard to overcome the need to have so much. It's hard working where I work as far as clothes go....always something new coming in...always something new that I want. That's the hard part to fight against. I can always convince myself, and easily I might add, that I need this or that. The hard part is to say and believe and act on the fact that I don't need it.

When my mother was 70, she said to me, "I don't know what I want to do with my life." I thought at the time, "Well, if you don't know now Mother, you may never know." She never did. She lived the rest of her life making her daughter's upset and angry with her which alienated three of them, annoying the people that she lived with, getting herself kicked out of one living place and ending up in a psychological hospital for the umpteenth time in her life. She lost all of her good jewelry somewhere (she claims it was stolen) and died alone, pretty much at her own hand. Not directly but she died because she wouldn't do what she was told to do. A real lesson for me. I said all that to say, "I don't know what I should do with my life either." I'm only 61 so I guess I have a few years....

later...........

Facebook Games and Life

So I admit it. I play Facebook games. A lot of them....probably way too many. I find them extremely more engaging than 95% of the people on Facebook. There is more interaction with the game than there is with most people. With the game there is a response to your response. There is that with people...but mostly they are just narcissistic fools that are in love with themselves  and what's going on in their own life. It 's not that I don't have anything going on...it's that once in a while, I would appreciate someone asking something about myself. NOT ALL THE TIME...just once in a while. Act like you're interested. Act like I am not a boring slug. I'm not, mind you.....but one begins to feel that way about themselves when they read all the blogs and postings out there by everyone. I don't care what you have for dinner, therefore I'm not posting what I have for dinner. If you feel bad....keep it to yourself. Don't post it. It looks like your begging for sympathy and that's not attractive. I know people care. Sorta. I know people SAY they care. That's more like it.

Friendship: it's not all it's cracked up to be. It's work most of the time....it always seems to be one-sided for me. I'm not interesting enough. NOT WHINING HERE....just stating the fact of how it is. People have told me....that I appear as though I have no problems therefore I must not have much to complain about or talk about. It is true..I am happily married. To a man that adores me (go figure) and most of the time likes hearing what I have to say. He respects my need for solitude, most of the time. He loves me inspite of myself and because of myself. The best part of me is him. This I know without a doubt. He is the greatest treasure I have. My children and family are the other ones. My children are all very well adjusted and talented. They aren't on drugs or alcoholics or have criminal records...(unless you count the time my son was taken into custody over a warrant for speeding). They suffer from their own self-doubt, which is normal, and is their cross to bear and learn from. They each need to find their way to the Lord themselves and the cross/es  they bear is/are their entry into the kingdom. Choices made. Choices not made. We live by those.  You start letting go of your children the minute they are born, if you don't...they will pull away before you are ready for it and then it is you that suffers.

Today is a random thought kinda day. At least I'm getting something down on paper. To those of you that may find your way to this blog and take issue with me.....just remember, you have not walked in my shoes nor are you in my situation. You don't want to live in my head.....so....take that into consideration.

Listening to one of my favorite songs at the moment...."Happy" by Pharrell Williams. I don't really believe in the notion of happiness. It is such a fleeting feeling. Can't be maintained for any extended period of time, but contentment, well, that's something that I am striving for on a daily basis. Contentment, acceptance, genuine-ness and joy. True joy. Being truly genuine....and comfortable in my own skin. My 61 year old skin that is flaky and red. Accepting oneself is not always an easy thing to do, because we always know ourselves better than anyone else. We know what goes on inside our brains/minds and to speak something other than what is the truth is hard. Best not to say anything at all in my book. But that doesn't seem to be possible for me either. Being accused of being insensitive when you inadvertently spoke the truth and it wasn't accepted. I think the Lord himself had that experience (except He didn't speak things inadvertently...he was deliberate) and what I said had nothing to do with eternity or weighty matters. It was a simple statement of fact that someone else took too personal. GET OVER YOURSELVES PEOPLE!!!!! 

Have to go to the grocery store today......exciting news. I don't want to go. Going to see if my husband will go with me if I agree to take him to dinner first.....think it might work.

More later...........

Stomach ills and afghans

So my stomach was acting up again yesterday. Ate too much cheese/fat/butter for lunch in the form of home made macaroni and cheese, meatloaf and roasted cauliflower with parmesan and olive oil. Then to top that off I ate cocada del forno with whipped cream and raspberry compote. It was delicious but I paid for that deliciousness all night long WHILE working a 7 hour shift at Whole Foods. Miserable....truly.

This morning we are continuing on our juicing regime. Each morning I make juice for us consisting of kale, cucumber, celery, ginger, lemon and fruit of all different shapes and sizes. I'm not going to add so much fruit to the green juice for a few days. I think that it had something to do with the gas in my intestines. Anyway...enough about my ills.

Here is the photo of the cocado del forno that I made. It was so good. I was never a big fan of coconut and now I cook with the oil, use it in my hair and put it on my face. Toasted coconut is the best. Yum. That's whipped cream on the plate with the raspberry compote. Whipped cream. What an invention. Love it. I say I'm not really big on the sweets...but I do love them when I eat them.

I have been trying to simply my life for so long now I've lost track of the years. How does one go about REALLY simplifying their lives. Simplifying your closet is a never ending battle. Simplying your furniture is not that easy. Your kitchen.....aaahhh. closets........attic...garage....studio. It took me so long to get through my studio...and I threw so much away. Garbage sacks full of old fabric that I just held onto. Fabric that could have been nearly 30 years old. Probably was. So it's gone. Donated or thrown out. I have baskets and baskets for patterns and fabric that I don't know if I'll ever use. Ever do anything with. I made all those scarves (93 plus) and baby quilts (85) baby fleece blankets (never did count) and receiving blankets. I donated an entire garbage bag full of baby quilts, fleece blankets and receiving blankets to the child advocacy place in McKinney (?) that my daughter Beth did her internship at. I truly wish I had all the money back that I've spent on fabric and patterns over the years. (We won't cover the art book, rubber stamps, paints, canvases, frames, papers, etc) Now let's move on to my jewelry making stuff. I have so much and make so much but how much can you use or wear? I have tried selling my stuff on Etsy but didn't do too well. PURSES!!! In order to get rid of them I have to give them away. What does THAT tell you? People love free stuff? My stuff isn't worth having? It's not good enough? It's not professional enough? I haven't decided which one is the correct answer....except maybe that God doesn't want me to succeed. Being successful financially has never been something that I thought would ever happen to me. Might steal too much of my heart if I had too much money or was too successful. Possibly wrong thinking but it's the way my mind works nonetheless.

I have ordered the book "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing" by Marie Kondo. You'd think at 61 I would have a handle on this stuff but that doesn't seem to be the case. I have made great in-roads but I have so much further to go. If our goal might be to live in a trailer and travel the country I would have to really divest myself of sooooooo much more than I currently gotten rid of. I read the book , "Paris Letters" by Janice MacLeod and did quite a bit of decluttering after reading it but I still feel like I need someone's help. My husband helps me with my clothes by playing the "Yes/No" game. I put on an outfit...and he either says "Yes" or "No". He's not allowed to say, "That's cute." or "That's ok." "Sure, why not?" nothing. Yes or no. You either like it or you don't. Today's outfit...didn't ask whether he liked this one or not.

The hall closet is big project. It's where everything get's put when we have to really clean up. Here's what it looks like now.

 

Part of the mess that you see is the latest afghan I'm making for my youngest son, Patrick. Each of my other six children have had afghans made for them. He's the only one that doesn't have one. I'm on the home stretch with this one, but I ran out of afghan-making steam. We also have an afghan for our bed which I made to match our quilt. Here's a photo of that one.

 

 

 

I'm going to try and post photos of all the afghans I've made in the last three years. That is if I can find the photos.  My granddaughter, Hope, my oldest son's youngest child, has a blanket out of the left over squares from the one above. Christopher, (Dee to all of us in the family) my 29 year old, got the first one, which was one made by adding on a square at a time of left over yarn from the fleece scarves and blankets. Beth, my 35 (almost 36) year old spent the night at Dee's under his afghan and wanted one. I already, at the time, had another afghan started so I gave it to her for her birthday. The next afghan was made for Laura. My 28 year old. Here is a photo of that one.

 

 

 

 

It doesn't show how large it is or the entirety of it...but I don't know where that photo is. I think it might be on my iPad and if that is the case I'm not sure how to get it to my computer to upload it. I'll work on that for tomorrow.

Work for the next three days.

Friday - Whole Foods 8:00-3:30
Saturday - J. Jill 6:00-2:30 (after work I need to take back a top and skirt to Old Navy)
Sunday - J. Jill 8:00-4:30

Beyond these three days I would have to check my day planner, which I am living by these days, while juggling the two part time jobs. 

Off to the closet again...or the jewelry or the hall closet. Take your pick. It all needs to be done.

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

First posting of a new blog....

January of this year was a changing point for me. I am now 61. I don't feel 61, nor do I act 61, in my own  humble opinion :) I keep telling myself that I matter. I keep telling myself that I'm worth hearing from, worth listening to. I seem to be the only one saying that. LOL  But..... I'm going to write anyway. What have I got to lose? Nothing, except words from my head.

Somewhere I read that you should do three things a day. Write something. Take at least one photo and do one drawing. I'm doing pretty good with the writing and photos...but the drawing hasn't really clicked in for me. Gave up the art thing 5 years ago and it hasn't been given back to me. Have a little bit of a desire to paint...but the experience I had leaves a very sad and bitter taste in my mouth. (see short explanation in later paragraph)

2014 saw a change in my work situation.  Quit one job and got  offered four more. Took two of them. Was offered a job at Burgundy Beef in Fort Worth and had agreed to take that job when Whole Foods offered me a position as a part-time cashier. I took that one. Larger company and better working environment...I thought. :) Willowbend Health Care offered me a job as a receptionist and I worked for them for three days...I think...and then decided that it wasn't for me. The drive to north Plano was an hour and 15 minutes with traffic and almost an hour without traffic. Geez louise...that was just too much. And at the time, the price of gas was higher and it just wasn't worth my while to continue. Quit that job. In November of 2014 I was hired by J. Jill as a sales associate. Never worked retail sales like that. They are opening two new stores in our area. One in Southlake and the other in Arlington in the Highlands. That is the store I will be at. Our grand opening is January 29. I have been training in the Northpark store for the last 2+ months. I love the girls in the Northpark store and will miss not working with them.

Whole Foods. I am a cashier. That...my friends (and whoever else is reading) is a crazy, predicable, yet unpredictable job. Take last night for instance. A lady came through my line...and I can usually spot the ones that are "off" right away. She proceeded to tell me that she asked a produce team member to cut an apples for her to taste. It was a new type of apple she had never seen and she wanted to taste it. That's ok. That's what we do at Whole Foods. We have a program that allows people to try new items, or old items they haven't tried, "on us!". We have a code at the register that allows that type of thing. I said to her, "Well, I won't charge you for that." And she answered, "I KNOW you won't." Seemed odd...but most people are odd. Then she asked for change for $100 bill. We really aren't supposed to do that, but I did it anyway. In the process of giving her the change from her first transaction, I lost count of the money for the $100. So I took the money from her that I had given her and proceeded to count it to make sure that she had the correct amount of money for her $100, which meant that I wouldn't be short or over in my till. She looked at me when I handed her the money and said, "Did you know that you're aggressive. Both physically and verbally." I was stunned. Literally stunned. I didn't know how to respond. I simply said, "Well, I know I have a strong personality, and I did have six children, so I have learned not to be a doormat...but no one has ever said anything like that to me." I asked her if that was offensive and she said it was, sorta. Then she proceeded to tell me that she's pretty blunt and down to earth herself. . . . ya think? Anyway...I am writing this down here to get it on my record of what I said and what she said. Why do people think they can just say anything that comes to their mind....? I had never met this woman before. Never laid eyes on her and she presumes to KNOW me? I don't think so.

I will admit here that this has bothered me. I told my supervisor what the woman said and she was dumbfounded as well. She said, "Even you think something like that you don't say it."

Now....this begs the question...AM I AGGRESSIVE? perhaps. AM I ABUSIVE? perhaps. I don't know. Are we ever really honest with ourselves to the point of brutality? I think not. We are all narcissists at heart. Some work harder to hide it...others don't care and let it show. I'd rather be alone in my solitude than have to hang around people that are overly impressed with themselves. People who think what they have to say is just incredibly interesting. Can't stand to be around those people. Friendship/aquaintenanceship should be a give and take. You are not more important than me and I am not more important than you and your shit stinks just like mine. There.....

Spent most of my day cooking. Homemade macaroni and cheese....defrosted a meatloaf, made Cocada de Forno (baked coconut tarts) home made fudge with nuts, and got cauliflower ready to be roasted. Lunch consisted of toasted cheese sandwiches, roasted red pepper soup with avocado, parmesan cheese, basil and croutons, with a salad of spinach, broccoli, cauliflower, parmesan cheese and ranch dressing with olive oil as well.

Stomach has been acting up again. Not sure of the reason...EXCEPT...I have been eating more and more regularly. Two meals a day is about all my stomach can handle. I've been eating more than that lately and it's been uncomfortable. So I'm not fixing the large dinner tonight that I had planned (see above paragraph). I will fix it tomorrow for a late lunch before Robin and I both head to work in the afternoon.

Have determined to get out of my debt. I have run up the balances on my American Express, Old Navy, Kohl's and J. Jill. I paid off Steinmart, Talbots, and the little bit that I had charged on the T.J. Maxx card I opened when I bought the black and tan t-shirt and the light blue sweater....oh and the small bathroom mirror. The Steinmart bill was for skincare at Merle Norman....and I'm not sure that it's helping me all that much, to be honest. Went there because a dear friend swears by their products so I thought I would give them a try. hmm...I don't know why my face isn't cooperating. Maybe it's just that working at the pharmacy for those 3 1/2 years did a big number on my system and it's not going to recover that quickly. It's been nearly a year since both of us quit that job...and were we ever relieved to do so. What a disaster that place way. Truly.

I took photos yesterday of my house. Not going to post them here. They were yesterday. But today...I took photos of my birds. I will post one. Here it is.

This bird was given to me by a dear friend that I used to be connected to via an art business. I won't give the name. This dear lady was one of the only ones that remained in contact with me after I resigned (for the second time). If anyone has been involved with a group of women...you know how difficult it can be at times. Especially when everyone involved is head strong and wants their way. I knew the problem was more me than them (meaning it was me)....but I couldn't handle it anymore. Besides....I had instructions to quit. So I quit. End of story. But I do have a small sneaking desire to paint again. The thing is....it would have to be done anonymously...not sure how to do that. Maybe under another name.

Going to close for tonight. More tomorrow. I hope I can keep up the writing. My brother-in-law thinks I should write. I keep telling him I don't have anything to say......:)

ps...I want to cook my way through the book "My Little Paris Kitchen" the way Julie cooked her way through Julia Child's book. I think that would be fun. But not sure when I will do that.